Honeymoon Diary 2012/2013

Below is a copy of my popular Honeymoon Diary that I post daily on Facebook.

Honeymoon Diary

Day 1 – New York. After a long bumpy trip and even longer wait at passport control, 2.5hrs! A sketchy Grand Theft Auto style cab ride through Queens and Long Island with our new african american buddy Noel Saturne; we arrived at our Art Deco hotel ordered room service & crashed. Plans for today are shopping then off to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Elle has yet to fully unleash her American accent on an unsuspecting public…. I fear deportation. Jeah!

Day 2 – New York. Yesterday can be summed up thus; shopping, traffic & high stepping ladies! We shopped till we blistered at Woodbury Common. Elle was on top bargain form & I got some Napoleon Dynamite style moon boots – Dang! The Radio City Christmas Spectacular was as the title suggests & the whole thing was awesome! Today we venture down 5th Avenue with my personal destination choice of Central Park & Museum Natural History; Elle has other ideas and has worked out a route via Macy’s, Abercrombie and H & M. One week married – it’s all about compromise…. Or at least anything for a quiet life. Jeah!

Day 3 – New York – In Dante’s Inferno the poet refers to the 9 circles of hell, after experiences yesterday I can verify that there are indeed two more; Abercrombie & Fitch, 5th Avenue and Macy’s 6th Avenue, New York. (Claire Jones – in response to your question regarding the number of Ugg boots a girl requires the equation is the same as number of bikes = N+1, (where N = number of Uggs/Bikes) is the answer!) Today we hit Central Park Zoo, Hard Rock Cafe and Mary Poppins on 42nd St – Chim Chiminy, Chim Chiminy, Chim Chim Chiree!

Day 4 – New York – Good Morning from the Big Apple. It’s New Year’s Eve and this place is beyond mental! Part of me would like to stay to see the celebrations but the other part is ready to go. The main thing I’ve learnt about New York is that there is far too much to do and no matter how organised you are it’s hard to get round it all. Interesting fact from yesterday from Elle was the best way to distinguish an Asian or African Elephant is to check out the ears! She’s not just a pretty face x So we’ve got a 6hr road trip to The North Conway Grand Hotel and we’re prepared for snow. We will probably be arriving just when you UK types are celebrating so from us USA honeymooners we wish you all the best for 2013. Big love x Ben & Elle x

Day 5 – North Conway – We left New York and bid farewell to the hustle and bustle and mania of New Years Eve. Our cab ride to the car rental was provided by Claudio, of South American origin and he was a royalist! On learning we were British he quizzed us on ‘His Queen!’ and finished off the journey with a rousing version of God Save The Queen that he just happened to have in the CD player! They know how to work the customer over here. Our road trip was uneventful, Elle took to photographing every sign for a place of iconic status or which had a British name. I saw no moose, bears or Bigfoots, maybe they’d gone to NY with the other million party goers?!? I won’t lie, our hotel in North Conway does look remarkably like the hotel from The Shining even down to the crazy coloured carpet. Happy New Year to you all, see you all real soon ya hear x all work and no play makes Ben a dull boy, all work and no play makes Ben a dull boy, all work and no play makes Ben a dull boy…..

Day 6 – North Conway – North Conway and the surrounding White Mountains are stunning, which ever direction you look the vista is straight off a postcard. People up here are much friendlier and they have an amazing knack of being able to mean sincerely, ‘You have an amazing day sir.’ Myself and Elle managed to play the roll of bumbling Brits in a grilled sandwich emporium when the menu was just a bit confusing. Mount Cranmore Ski resort looks great and we have a full day ski pass & lesson lined up for tomorrow (thanks Aunt Pauline Mccallum) Today we continue our hunt for Bigfoot, I have identified some significantly ‘Squatchy’ areas and have briefed Elle on the correct course of action if we spot any. We are hoping to get some Ski Mobiles which will allow us to cover more ground quickly, I am confident we will track our elusive hairy brethren, Elle just keeps rolling her eyes and saying, ‘Yes dear.’ I think it’s a marriage thing?!

Day 7 – North Conway – My most dearest friends and family. I write this message from Mt Cranmore Ski Centre and more specifically the upper level cafeteria where my beautiful wife and I are enjoying hot chocolate and some Babe Ruths after a mornings ski lessons. When we began it was a very cold -8 but has warmed up to a palatable -2. Initially Elle fastened her boots so tight she cut the circulation to her ankles but we sorted that. Elle is progressing nicely and I seem to be able to remember what I learnt 28yrs ago at Willington Dry Ski Slope and up Carlton Bank! This afternoon we attempt first contact with the chair lift, I have checked we have winter sport insurance – tally ho!

Day 8 – North Conway – In 1693 a series of prosecution trials took place in a then little known town called Salem. These became the infamous Salem Witch Trials, ‘burn her!’. We are off to the Salem Witch Museum to get Elle tested once and for all. Then we go to Boston for the day, one of the oldest cities in America; known for tea parties, massacres, revolutions and Cheers. It’s supposed to be beautiful so we are very excited. We are finishing the day off with tickets to see the Boston Celtics vs Indiana Pacers, current Celtic form is mixed so I am going to suggest to the manager they put Elle in at shooter, she would easily score some baskets and if she was struggling could always use her broomstick! Best get going before she turns me into a toad or something even worse…. Piers Morgan! You have a super sparkly day y’all x

Day 9 – North Conway – So yesterday was Salem & Boston and a 4hr round trip. The Salem Witch Trial in a sentence – basically some girls were bored and decided to make up loads of stuff about people they didn’t like being witches, pretend they were possessed and got them executed – morale of the story; don’t piss off women you might get hung! Salem was a weird place, it was straight out of Twin Peaks, desolate and in need of a lick of paint. Elle was distressed by the lack of good clothes shops and increased amount of street drunks – I thought they may all just be possessed. Boston was much better but we only saw bits of the North End & Downtown before it got dark. Elle was much happier as she managed to find some better shops. It is much prettier than NY and a lot slower paced. The basketball game was OMG totes amaze! The Celtics smashed the pacers 94 – 75. American fans are mental: very well mannered but mental. Sitting in such close proximity to so many confirmed my already concrete theory that Americas number one hobby and pastime is eating as loudly as possible with your mouth open; chewing gum, crisps or my personal favourite popcorn where the individual must tilt their head back whilst chewing to prevent the contents escaping their vacuous cavern! On the drive back in the snow we talked about b-ball, road tolls and being a Jedi. I tried to explain to Elle that the main creed of a Jedi was to be awesome and the rest were all about doing cool stuff with light sabers. Although the car was pitch black I could feel her eyes rolling… I didn’t want to press the subject further but I’m pretty sure that is a perfect example if the Force at work. Have a great day.

Day 10 – North Conway – Yesterday in the good ole US of A was an up and down kind of day. Unfortunately Elle’s cold & chest infection she has been bravely struggling on with all honeymoon took control and she wasn’t very well. So as any dutiful husband would I got her some cough medicine, gave her a couple of paracetamol, tucked her into bed and went skiing for the day. I know what your thinking and yes I made sure I was wrapped up well and took some vitamin C. I managed to conquer several black runs and was requested to help chaperone some of the kids in the Ski School up the mountain in the chair lift. I was partnered with 6yr old Samantha. She like me didn’t like skiing on ice and kept falling over too. When I got back Elle had managed to go clothes shopping so must have been feeling a bit better. We jacuzzi’d and went out for pizza. Today we have a day out sight seeing, moose tracking along the Kancamagus Highway and we are going to Zeb’s General Store in Conway. On our shopping list is Root Beer, Sarsaparilla and Twizzlers. Be good.

Day 11 – North Conway – Alas dear chums all good things must come to an end. Today is our last day on Honeymoon. We are flying out of Boston tonight back to the motherland. Yesterday we did not spot any moose but did stock up on an amazing amount of candy from Walmart. Walmart is much like Wilkinsons except they sell shotguns and crossbows. We are currently struggling to pack our bags and hovering on the limits of weight and zip strength. We are very sad to be leaving North Conway, it is a most tranquil and amazing place and we can thoroughly recommend a visit. Last night we were introduced to the delights of Honey Boo Boo which is redneck reality tv and must be seen to be believed. So this is the Carlson-Oakes’s signing off, hope you’ve enjoyed the updates and we’ll see you all real soon. Goodbye y’all, you take care you hear x

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